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Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Discipline

I've been reading magazines, books and search the internet about how to discipline a child. Claira is in the age where she tries to test my patience and it made me nuts of what's the right thing to do. Some moms in the "Circle of Moms" said that they spank their little ones if the child did something that is not good or harm themselves, others are against it. There's an article I've read where the mom says she always say Yes. As we all know, moms say a lot of NO's to their kids and I myself don't like to hear it. I don't want Claira's first word to be NO so hubby and I try not to say it and tell her "Don't" instead of NO. Disciplining a child is difficult. It's like a multiple choice in an exam... you have different choices but only one will work. I've been spanked when I was a kid and though I didn't like it coz it hurts, I grow up ok. The elderly in the Philippines said that if you don't let your child cry when they were little, they will make you cry in the future and I think it's true. Now that I'm a mom I try to avoid spanking coz Claira might imitate me though there are times that I spank her when I think I really need to spank her. It hurts me to see her cry but I don't want to see her in jail when she grows old. I did try the "Super nanny" style (looked at her eye level and explain) but sometimes it doesn't work. I know that every child is different and the style of discipline is not one size fits all. I guess I just have to try everything and see if one will work. This really made me nuts... How can I be a good role model if I spank and hurt her?

3 comments:

PDeverit said...

People used to think it was necessary to "spank" adult members of the community, military trainees, and prisoners. In some countries they still do. In our country, it is considered sexual battery if a person over the age of 18 is "spanked", but only if over the age of 18.

For one thing, because the buttocks are so close to the genitals and so multiply linked to sexual nerve centers, striking them can trigger powerful and involuntary sexual stimulus in some people. There are numerous physiological ways in which it can be sexually abusive, but I won't list them all here. One can use the resources I've posted if they want to learn more.

Child buttock-battering vs. DISCIPLINE:

Child buttock-battering (euphemistically labeled "spanking","swatting","switching","smacking", "paddling",or other cute-sounding names) for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.

Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing, and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.

I think the reason why television shows like "Supernanny" and "Dr. Phil" are so popular is because that is precisely what many (not all) people are trying to do.

There are several reasons why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals:

Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak,

The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson,

NO VITAL ORGANS THERE, So They Say
by Lesli Taylor M.D. and Adah Maurer Ph.D.

Most compelling of all reasons to abandon this worst of all bad habits is the fact that buttock-battering can be unintentional sexual abuse for some children. There is an abundance of educational resources, testimony, documentation, etc available on the subject that can easily be found by doing a little research with the recommended reads-visit the website of Parents and Teachers Against Violence In Education at www.nospank.net.

Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea:

American Academy of Pediatrics,
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry,
American Psychological Association,
Center For Effective Discipline,
Churches' Network For Non-Violence,
Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu,
Parenting In Jesus' Footsteps,
Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children,
United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.

In 26 countries, child corporal punishment is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child.

Ilocana said...

In my opinion, disciplining such as spanking should not be a problem,, unless one use it with such force and became a harsh punishment due to anger or frustration,... coz that's when you HURT a child. As a mother of 2, I always try to get their attenion in a calm manner first, give them 3 warnings, and if they still didn't listen that's when they get spanked. And it works..:)

Spanking works, as long as one knows WHEN and HOW to apply it properly without hUrting the child.. And if one uses spanking everytime a child make mistakes then it's not discipline at all.. And only a LOVING and WISE mom knows that spanking shouldn't be use very often coz this will immune the child and soon never listen nor care.... btw, when my kids were @ Claira's age, spanking is out of the question.. For me, at that age they're too young to understand... :)

Michelle said...

Thank you guys for the comments! Researching about spanking and other ways on how to discipline a child is very helpful. I've been trying to use the "supernanny" style and lots and lots of patience to avoid spanking. I noticed that parents have something in common. They want their child/ren to grow up as a good person but not all parents have the knowledge of what's the right thing to do when their kids are throwing tantrums.